My Very First Time!

I was competing in the preliminary round of Dance Prix Indonesia on April 16. I was there to represent my university ballet club. The event took place at Teater Kecil Taman Ismail Marzuki Jakarta. I felt like, let me quote Miley Cyrus, “my tummy’s turning and I’m feeling kind of homesick” through the day because everybody seemed so awesome and professional, like I was the only beginner here and I did not feel confident at all. But at the same time I felt so excited because Dance Prix Indonesia was my very first contemporary dance competition (I was never a competition girl!).

I was the contestant number 22 out of 23, and the one who was number 23 got third place last year so the pressure was so thick I could cut with a knife. I thought miracle happened because I didn’t feel nervous at all when I was on the stage. I was dancing so freely and I felt satisfied with my performance. That was really surprising when people gave me applauses and cheers, I didn’t think that they would be entertained with my performance because my skill was below the others’. Anyway, I was so curious about the result but we had to wait for about 30 minutes before the result was up.

You know what? I got into the finals!!! I couldn’t believe that and I wanted to cry. The final round was on Sunday afternoon. All contestants should perform with the same choreography and variations they did yesterday. Preliminary round was tough but final round was the whole another thing.

Around 1 PM, all contestants were told to be in the backstage, preparing for their performance. The competition started with all categories from ballet (junior, pre-senior, and senior) and then contemporary (solo and group). I had to wait until 4.30 because contemporary solo would begin at 5, and I tried to keep my body warm by stretching. I managed to make friends, some of them were foreigners (the fact that there were some foreigners (and their dancing = goals!!!) in the competition made my stomach flip in the worst possible way). They were all so nice!!! I was glad I talked to them lmao.

At 4.30, we were told that we got the chance to try the stage for five minutes only. The time when all contemporary solo contestants got into the stage was my favorite part of the day because it was so awesome, I felt like a Broadway dancer. We were there, with no music, but we danced with our own choreography, and everyone seemed so focused on themselves. Even though it was not organized and people were moving on their own, it was just awesome if you saw it with your own eyes. It felt like I was in the movie or something like that.

Our five minute was gone and the competition started to begin again. Every one of us was called to be on the stage and my turn was up. I danced but I was not really satisfied with my performance because I forgot my last jump (that was the stupid of me). Well my preliminary round’s performance was better but that was okay. At last, I didn’t win. I said that I was not disappointed because I knew I wouldn’t (and couldn’t) win. But to be really honest, deep down inside I was a bit disappointed because I knew I could be better than that. Well this was my very first competition after all and I was super happy I went through the final round. It was a blast! 

The Struggle of Being a Middle Child

Being a middle child is not as fun as people imagine. You might think that being a middle child is a good thing because you have an older sibling and a younger one. Let me tell you that it’s not 100% true. Everything was perfect until your mom gave birth to another child and you no longer were the cute little baby in the family. I am a middle child and I’m sure every middle child in this world faces the same problem as I do.

In my case, people in general (including my relatives and friends) tend to compare me with my other siblings and I feel like I always live under the shadow of my older sister. People keep asking me why I don’t want to be like her or why I don’t choose the same path as her. I don’t like being compared because my siblings and I have different talents and abilities, so I think it’s not fair to compare every one of us. I’m so fed up with those comments. People, please. Being different is not a crime. We were born unique and it is actually a good thing. We have different interests and personalities. We live in different bodies with different minds. It’s impossible for me to be like her and vice versa.

Another reason is because middle children always get the hand-me-downs. When my older or younger sibling wants to buy new things, my parents let them buy the things that they want and need. But when it comes to my turn, I always get the thing that previously used by my older sister, for example I wear her clothes and use her school stuff such as bags or books. It’s always been like this: my older sister’s needs are my parents’ number one priority because she studies abroad. My youngest sister’s needs are my parents’ second priority because she’s still in elementary school (basically because she’s the youngest. God, I think being the youngest in the family is the best position). Because of that I have to accept the truth that I will almost always get the hand-me-downs from my older sister.

I like them, though. I am glad I have them as my siblings. But I’m suffering from this middle-child-syndrome. It is not fatal, but it is hard. My older sister is the achiever of the family (she’s the smart one and stuff), my younger sister is the center of attention. And I am here, frustrated, thinking that I might not be good enough and not giving myself enough credits.

If you are a middle child, tell me if you feel the same and don’t worry because you are not alone. We are in the same boat together. We can do this.